Thanks to all who prayed a few days back.  I started turning the corner Friday – 2 days ago – and today is the best I’ve felt since Chemo #5 happened 10 days ago.  The last two Chemo’s have had the exact same pattern: 8 bad days after Chemo, with Day 7 and 8 being the worst.  We believe this is a good thing that there has been sameness in the pattern, as it means that my body is getting used to the treatments.  The pattern is atypical; research shows days 4 or 5 after Chemo is usually the nadir – but we think coming off the heavy dosage of Prednisone accounts for days 7 and 8 being so bad.

Yesterday we actually got out of the house and got Scott to a movie!  (“Under the Same Moon”) Becky went with us, and we really enjoyed the story, have talked about it quite a bit today.  It was a treat for me to do something “normal”.  Tonight we’re going to go down to the Felton Park and try to do a lap around the circuit – again, something out of the house and outside, real blessings to me.

I remain extremely weak, and have a very hard time getting up and down the stairs of our home.  We’re coming to the conclusion that this probably won’t improve much until chemo is done.  Why?  3 weeks between chemo, the first 8 days spent being sick.  When I come off those 8 days, I’ve lost more muscle weight (lost 8 pounds during days 6-8 this time….don’t worry, I’ve already gained 2 back) and am worse off than when I started.  The remaining days (in the 3 week period) I work on walking and “weight lifting” (I am “strong” enough to do 2 lb. reps – wow) and probably get back to where I was before the last Chemo started….and then it’s time for Chemo to start up again.

Oh yeah – we think the hepatitis is totally gone.  As of Monday, it wasn’t showing up on any blood work.  They drew more blood on Monday to test for it (you ought to see my arms after all these blood draws), and, we didn’t hear back from Dr. Pomeroy (my Oncologist).  (We’re assuming he would have called us if there was a positive test).  Dr. Pomeroy believes the hepatitis came about as my particular type of cancer plays havoc on other systems in the body (in this case, the liver).

By the way, part of the reason he’s not completely certain on some of this is that my particular cancer (Burkitt’s lymphoma) is very rare, only 300 cases in the US each year.  I’m only the 2nd patient he’s ever had with Burkitt’s in his over-20-year career.  Most Burkitt’s cases happen in Africa!  How in the heck I got it….we asked Dr. Pomeroy if my trip last September to Costa Rica could have been the place where I got it, and he said “No, you’ve probably been carrying this around for at least 10 years”.  That was a revelation!

Thank you to the Franck family that donated their Queen Size bed!  Daniel had outgrown his twin size and it was beginning to affect his back.  He slept wonderfully on the new bed last night!

In the meantime we have a nice twin size bed available, if anyone is looking.  It comes with a very nice (faux?) oak frame, 3 built in drawers.  The built in frame means a box spring is not necessary.   Anyway, if anyone is interested  in this, give us a holler!

We have one prayer request at this time.  In February, Lynne and Becky were scheduled to go to India when my cancer interfered.  Many of you donated towards this trip.  Lynne has been working since February with the travel insurance company to get their airfare refunded.  Once these funds are refunded, they’ll go directly to help fund Daniel & Becky’s summer mission trip to South Africa.  The travel insurance company, which had one week ago told us that it looked “good” that the refund check would be issued soon, has now found an obscure loophole in which they need to work through the airline- meaning they can delay payment for 6-8 more weeks.  At this rate the refund will come after our kids have been on their mission trip – which is not a great cash flow situation for our church.  Please pray that this would be resolved speedily.

We love getting your posts, e mails, and phone calls -  Remember that these are a source of great encouragement and energy for us.  Someday I’ll be healthy enough to actually see you in person – for now, thank you for all your kind words and prayers.

Scott

Hi friends,

I would be grateful for your prayers.  Nausea and exhaustion has been overwhelming yesterday and today (as I come off the Prednisone).

Thanks!

Scott

4 days removed from Chemo. So far, so good. I’ve been VERY tired and sleeping a lot, normal fare for Chemo. Lynne says I’m responding the best of any of my chemo’s to date. I came off of Prednasone today and last time that resulted in 3 days of really bad nausea. I’ve had some nausea today but it so far hasn’t been as bad as last time.

Blood work shows the hepatitis is gone. Last chemo the hep showed up 4 days after chemo so they did a blood draw today to see if the hepatitis shows up again. They are at this point believing the hepatitis to be strictly a response to chemo.

It’s been hard to keep the spirits up. I’m physically very weak and this limits what I can do, which in turn makes one feel kind of worthless. But Lynne has been good to get me out of the house, which helps a lot. Tonight we went to the Mount Hermon Meadow and ran into about 7 different friends while I hobbled my way around the circuit. This did a lot to cheer me up.

Speaking of getting out of the house – a Mount Hermon friend has agreed to stay with our kids May 4-6. So we will get our much desired getaway!

I close with a couple of pictures. A couple of posts ago I talked about Becky’s surprise birthday lunch. She’s pictured here with friends Betsy and Laura.

Also pictured is Lynne, Becky and I about 10 days ago on Santa Cruz’ fabulous West Cliff Drive (we were out for a short walk…I hobbled around on my cane).

So glad we got the email “blackout” situation solved. It was really encouraging to hear from so many of you on my last post. Thank you as always for your kind words and prayers which humble and inspire us.

Scott & Lynne

Hello all!

Some of you have reported in recent days that you haven’t received posts from me in several days.  Faithful webmaster checked in from his vacation and found that a recent change to the blog software may have caused this.  He thinks we’ve got the problem solved.  But, could a couple of you that did mention the “blackout” to me – Arlyss, Rosie – verify that you received this update?  That would be helpful!

I am three days removed from Chemo #5 (out of 8 – past the halfway point!).  Lynne says I’m doing the best I”ve done this time to any post-chemo treatment.  The sad truth is that I don’t remember much about the other four treatments.  But, so far for this one, nausea has been minimal, and the main thing has been that I’m slightly cranky (a high dosage of prednasone will do that to you – for 4 days I’m on like a 20x dosage to what someone would get for poison oak) and I”m very tired (3 naps yesterday on top of 9 hours of sleep).

I will come off the high dosage of Prednasone on Tuesday.  While it’s normal operating procedure to gradually come off prednasone, for some reason in my treatment I have to go cold turkey.  Last time this left me extremely nauseated for 3 days.  That should hit Tuesday-Thursday and I would appreciate your prayers during that time.

I’m sleeping really well at night and it has been weeks now since I had to get up in the middle of the night and move to the couch.  It is so great to sleep well again.  Thank you for your prayers in this area.

Blood levels still show that my antibodies have produced hepatitis, but with each blood draw that indication gets lower.  The truth is I’ve never been able to detect any difference in my body one way or the other since I “got” hepatitis.  The doctors at this point think it will just go away.

We have one need that we would bring to your attention.  We are still looking for someone to be with our kids May 4-6. (a friend of ours has offered the use of their timeshare gratis).  This is a big need as Lynne remains exhausted and a getaway is what she really needs most.  And, needless to say, we’d love a chance to get out of the four walls of this house and enjoy some time away.

Thank you to each of you for your friendship and prayers that sustain us!

Scott & Lynne

Hi Friends,

A quick update from Scott…..much to be thankful for now!

Health:

- hepatitis: blood work shows this is diminishing. 

- emotional / mental: the dark night of the soul I went through 8 days ago has not returned.  I’m taking the medication Atavan, something nearly all my Chemo friends said helped them with mental / emotional.

I get weepy sometimes when I think about what I can’t do right now, how weak I am.  But I’ve been reading 90 Minutes in Heaven, and this book has really helped me, hearing the thoughts of someone who was much worse health-wise than I ever figure to be, and how they dealt with that.

- sleep: I’ve been sleeping great since I began the Atavan.  I slept 4 hours straight a few nights ago, the most hours I’d slept consecutively for months (it’s been a series of 1-2 hour catnaps for the last couple of months prior).

- Chemo: happens again Thursday.  This will be #5 out of 8 – past the halfway point!  My reaction to #4 has been the best so far.

- Cell counts: white cell counts and hemoglobin have improved over the last week.

- Overall: I’ve been very energetic, got a lot of things done around home and even did a bit of work for my wonderful employer.  I’ve had two days of nausea that have disabled me, but besides that I’ve felt great. 

Needs: We are still looking for someone to be with our kids May 4-6.  This is a big need as Lynne remains exhausted and a getaway is what she really needs most.

There is so much to be thankful for, and we have received so much from so many: Mount Hermon (the corporation and the community, including staff, board, neighbors, former staff….incredible the support we’ve received), Santa Cruz Bible Church (members have provided meals – including some we don’t even know!  We’ve made it to worship the last three Sundays and receive a heroes welcome every time we are there) , the Halverson and Ross families, Stewardship Insurance colleagues, Capin Crouse auditing staff, other professional colleagues.   People have faithfully driven our kids to school, church, and other appointments; cleaned our home; babysat Scott so that Lynne could peacefully get things done or take a nap; anonomously given huge sums of money to help with medical bills;given great reading resources.  And of course people have prayed and prayed and prayed, and given encouraging words on the blog; these prayers and words have literally been lifeblood and given us so much strength.  We’ve been so blessed by all of you.  You have been the hands and feet of Christ.  Lynne and I say several times each week: who are we to be the receipients of such love?

Last week we had some particularly amazing gifts from people that were so encouraging to us, and I’ve got to mention a few. 

We were watching the NCAA championship at the home of Dean and Betty Bouzeous (my first such social outing – a huge deal!) when Lynne mentioned to Betty that Becky’s birthday was 3 days away and that we’d had no time to plan anything.  Betty said “tell me who to invite and I’ll put something together”.  3 days later we took Becky to a French restaraunt for lunch (obstensibly with just Dad & Mom) where she walked in to the chorus of “Happy Birthday” from all her best friends!  Becky was so surprised.  She had a huge smile that whole lunch and felt so loved.  This was such an incredible gift.  Thank you Betty for doing what we could not do.

Rene Schlaepfer called me one evening last week.  For those of you who don’t know Rene, he is the Teaching Pastor of a huge church (4,000 or so attending every weekend?) in Santa Cruz.  Rene and I got to be good friends last year when we discovered we both have an abiding interest in 60′s/70′s comic books!  Rene called me in the evening, just home from work, and for 45 minutes gave me great advice and encouragement.  Rene had a panic attack years ago, and so he had some excellent advice for my recent emotional / mental meltdown.  He gave me so much to put into practice, the most by far good advice I’d received from any single source.  It was SO encouraging to talk to some one who could relate so well.  And for him to take that kind of time, with all the burdens that he carries, was incredible to me.

Lynne’s brother Craig owns a beautiful huge RV.  Craig and his wife Kim parked the RV at a gorgeous state park near Livermore on Friday night, and Lynne and I got to get away for an evening.  The park was beautiful and quiet, and we felt like we were worlds away.  Craig and Kim would not let us pay them one cent for the park fees, nor would they let us do any work.  It was so restorative for us to be able to do something like this, especially for Lynne.

These are but a few of the amazing blessings we’ve received.  We could never repay all the kindness each of you have shown us.

Several chemo friends recommended I pick out and begin to memorize personally meaningful scriptures to help with possible future dark nights of the soul.  Rene S advised I should refer to these verse several times a day, and I’ve been doing this and it  has been a source of great encouragement.  For those of you who are interested, here’s the verses:

Isaiah 41:10 & 53:5

Psalms 30: 4-5, 116:12-14, 103:2-5, 126:1-4

Proverbs 53:5

Thank each one of you who have recommendded certain scriptures – I will be incorporating some of these into the mix soon!

Gratefully,

Scott & Lynne

We’ve received this recent e-mail from Scott.  If you are able to help with any of these needs, please contact Cindy Ritchie at 831-430-1230.

We have a couple of new needs that we’d like to make known, and hope this strikes a chord once again:

1) With all the “24/7″ caregiving, Lynne is showing the wear.  What she most needs is a few days away with me (yes!).  Someone has generously offered the use of their timeshare, and I can acutally make it there given the distance and travel time!  The dates the unit is available are May 4-6. 

We’re asking for someone to stay at our home with our kids for two or three nights, and to “get them going” in the morning.  We’d be very grateful!  They’re easy kids, and will only need help working the remote controls.

 2) Daniel has outgrown his bed! Wow!  He needs full or queen size.  I’d be really grateful if some bargain shopper (Craig’s List, etc) could find a deal and arrange pick-up/delivery (we’ll pay, of course!)

Again, these are the “little things” that make this marathon journey incredible.   We are so grateful for such sacrificial and caring friends.

Thanks so much!!

Scott

The Halversons are looking for someone who can volunteer on a weekly basis to help with a specific transportation need.   Daniel volunteers to help set up for the evening service at Santa Cruz Bible Church on Sundays.   He needs someone to meet him each Sunday at his home at 5:10 p.m. and drop him off at the church.   There is usually someone there who gives him a ride home following the service.  If a schedule conflict arises, just let us know in advance and we’ll help to find an alternate driver.

 If your schedule allows you to help in this tangible way, please contact Cindy Ritchie at 831-430-1230. 

Thank you all for your prayers during a very difficult time.  Quite the story behind this one.

My mental situation the other night began with a racing mind.  This is about the fourth or fifth time since Chemo that my mind has turned this direction.  It comes unbidden and is a definite change.  I am able to process thoughts very rapidly and it makes everyone around seem stupid by comparison.  Though I can control my tongue and do not get abusive that way it makes me inside my head frustrated with my family members lack of rapid-fire understanding. Most of this focus gets directed at my wife.

When this situation is really “turned up” – as it was the other night – I become paranoid that those around me cannot make good decisions.  This became the situation the other night, and was directed at Lynne.  And your prayers were answered dramatically.

 By bedtime I was paranoid, insisting that Lynne get me to the ER so that they could “do something”.  Lynne reminded me that I hated the ER, so why would I want to go there?  Let’s get the emergency medications (Atavan) started.  We did so, and by 11:45 I was OK and myself again. 

But Lynne, already exhausted, had to endure my circular reasoning for nearly 2 hours.  I’m in trouble and we should do something, I’d say.  She’d remind me of the medication.  I’d insist again that I needed something.  Thus went the argument.  After a while the medication kicked in and I could feel inside my head that I was stuck in circular reasoning, and that my mind had to get convinced that things were OK before I could get unstuck.  I’d get partway there – real Scott – and then begin to distrust Lynne again.  Hell has got to be just like this – you know what needs to happen, but can’t get there.

Lynne being the saint she is endured until my mind became convinced things were safe.  About 4 times we almost made it before something happened.  At one point I remember telling Lynne that I was either “dead, delusional, or in Heaven because what I’m going through is not the way things should be”.  And then I said “and if I’m in Heaven Iwant you and Daniel and Becky to know the following”.  Intending to tell them how much I loved them, and how sorry I was for this particular evening, I began to ( in real life!) cry – and it snapped my progress and we were back to square one.

Probably about 20 minutes after that – still “stuck” in my head, knowing I needed to prove to my mind that things were safe – the breakthrough came.  Lynne asked me how she could know that this time things were real and I was myself again.  Holding her hand, which we’d found kept me in “real Scott” mode, I began to say “I’m going to the bathroom now”.  Lynne replied “OK, go ahead and I will follow you there”.  It was a hard journey as at that point we needed to not hold hands, and it was hard to be in real Scott mode for more than 5 second, but I made it.  Once there I sobbed, hoping that this time was “real” – and Lynne of course grabbed me right away – and Hell was over as we both knew the real Scott was back, the delusional one gone.

I cannot describe accurately how awful this was and how powerful my mind was at that time.  Lynne was amazing.  While I was going through it I knew how tired she was, and I knew what I was putting  her through, with my ongoing distrust / hostility vs. real Scott.  In her extreme weariness, she endured it all – and we avoided a horrible ER visit.  Whether or not spiritual warfare, this has got to be what Hell feels like.

I’ve received several e mails from cancer survivors.  Their word on spiritual warfare, which feels right to me, is:

1. This is a typical cancer experience.  I’ve experienced it too.  One of my f0rmer co-workers, now in her second cancer and a 7 year veteran, said “I experienced something just like this yesterday”.  How powerful and awful. I had no idea cancer was THIS way.

2. In this gap, Satan takes advantage.

3. Use scripture to combat it.

4. Take Atavan as a medicine.  We have this med, but it was a factor in my seizure, so we had been avoiding it.

So if any of you can come up with some scripture that helps underscore you can trust those who are proven , this would be helpful.  “faithful are the wounds of a friend” comes to mind.

Thank you for your prayers.  This was awful.  What we have learned from this: If Scott exhibits “racing mind”, get Atavan going right away.

In the meantime, we received some shocking news from the Doctor: I have Hepatitis.  Blood work shows that I did not receive this via a virus, and it’s not infectious, and the only possible explanation is that my body manufactured it via an autoimmune reaction!  So – oh, goody goody – I get to take even more new medications and see yet another specialist (this timea gastro-entrologist – I think I’m up to 8 specialists, besides my GP and Oncologist).   Between this, my pnuemonia and grand mal seizure, we continue to keep the Doctor guessing and shocked.  

I am also anemic, with low hemoglobin.  This is in spite of numerous shots to boost my counts.

Bizarrely, in the midst of all this, I feel the best I’ve felt since Chemo began!  What in the heck would I feel like if I was “normal”??  I worked 6 hours on Friday, gardened yesterday, am walking without a cane for the first time in weeks. and just want to get back to normal contributing life.  And we even did a social outing last night, going to the home of Dean and Betty Buezeous to watch basketball with a bunch of other hoopheads  !! (we had a great time).  So my body is both sick and healthy at the same time.  Bizarre yet compelling, Bill Vezey and Kevin McEntee!

What a final in the Kansas – Memphis game, huh?  It is such a great year for hoops.  If you think that game was something, wait until the NBA playoffs get going in a couple of weeks.  The talent in the Western conference is unparalled in NBA history, and – way cool – the Boston Celtics look like they’re going to crush the competition.  The NBA right now is better than even perhaps the Bird / Magic / Jordan years.  I just hope people watch and figure this out.

And those San Francisco Giants…sigh.  To a degree, they even were a factor in my reaction the other day!  I was trying to take a nap, listening to sports radio, my usual tranquilizer.  A caller made the point that the Giants should have begun to turn the roster over to younger players 5 years ago – then the team woule at least be 5 years into the rebuilding instead of year one.  No, the announcer said, they would not have been competitive during the last five years.  The next guy called in and said I’m frustrated they’re paying Barry Zito so much money, he’s only an average pitcher.  No the announcer said, they need to overpay him at the time (totally inaccurate.  Most writers at the time, local and national, estimated they overpaid him by 50%.  The overpayment will come out of the fans pockets, of course….I haven’t paid for a game since!).  I was so irate with the announcer I completely woke up!  Thus began the transition of the racing mind to Anger.  Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2008 San Francisco Giants!

My weight is back to 180 – 10 pounds below my Basketball weight.  I had lost 5 pounds last week – without trying, ridiculous – as I had pretty bad nausea. 

Well, this has been my longest post.  Thanks for all your care.  Please pray for:

1. recovery from anemia and Hepatitis.

2. safety from the racing mind aspect of Chemo Brain.  It feels “over”, but one never knows.

3. Lynne is exhausted.  She says it is “long term exhaustion”.

4. Lynne’s greatest desire is that she and I get away alone for a couple of days.  A Mount Hermon friend has generously offered the use of their timeshare – God and his family are so good.  We are checking dates with him.  Please pray that we can find someone to be with our kids during those proposed dates.

5. Continued gaining of strength.  Many times I have to go up the stairs one step at a time, and my arms are especially weak.  We went the other night to the Mount Hermon fitness center, and for the first time I got a look at myself in the familar full size mirror.  My legs, typically solid and muscular, are toothpicks now.  Lynne had told me this, but it was shocking to see them in the familiar mirror.  I’ve lost so much muscle weight (along with fat…ain’t much of that on me now).

Dear friends, thank you for your prayers and encouragement.  We are so blessed to have you in our lives.

 Scott & Lynne

In the mental torment of my post I forgot to mention that Lynne is right here beside me, has been the whole time, please know this.   The tsunami of this mental / spiritual / metaphysical  ”event” is that strong – I can’t even focus that my wonderful wife is right here with me now.

 Scott

Right now an aspect of “Chemo Brain” that makes one paranoid, self doubting, manic, “numerical” – and, physically, a rapidly beating heart – is working full force. 

 Please pray – I am really scared right now –   I’ve never felt insane ever in my life -  this demon / chemo brain / thought / medication problem  (whichever is at work) makes me feel like the Man of the Tombs.  The sense of doubt expressed in my prayer below.  I’m sure you can understand it if I tell you that prior experience has made me very dubious of claims of Satanic influence  – but this is making me rethink that stance.  Any of you with prior similar experience, I’d be happy to hear your opinions.

 ”Who touched me?”  – Jesus .     Lord, let me be as that woman in your sight right now.  Jesus – like you did on Earth, make this demon leave me.  In the temporary insanity I feel so alone.  Thank you for my wife, family and each one of my praying friends.  Thank you that you give us the desire of our hearts.  Thank you the prayer of faith makes one well.  Thank you that that you answer prayer.